i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
