evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
