Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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