It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
