Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
