I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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