Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How naked do you want me to be?
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