lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
