Say something about gay babies.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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