4 words: hood of his car
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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