my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
