you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
