Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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