I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
