I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
