you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
