that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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