The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
