So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
