my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
