my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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