we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
