we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
