Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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