i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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