Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
