ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize