It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
