What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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