I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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