"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
