How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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