She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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