I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
