P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
