All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My vagina just clenched in fear
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize