they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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