Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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