update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
