i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
