Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
