Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
