Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
