does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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