i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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