I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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