that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
