you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
