her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
