need another drink. this is the easiest way
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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