I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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