where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
do nipples grow back?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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