Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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