You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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