wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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