Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
