Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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