I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
