I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
