just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
