A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
