dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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