Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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