i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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