At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
