we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
