This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
